i dont feel it :’( but i can undertsand it :’( im just glad my gut doesnt it feel it - i trust my gut so much, it has given me good vibes for years and im telling you - my gut says we’ll be just fine
in no particular order
the situation is that pri is upset because im on a french exchange and that means 1) living with a girl, 2) meeting the others multiple times in quick succession, and 3) we dont get to go to JAWS. now, although i understand her emotions, of hatred -towards the girls, jealousy, anger, self-hate, all of these things are understandable, but i love her. she says she is doubtful that what i feel is requited, and that she would go to greater lengths to make me happy, it is not true. one persons desire to make another person happy should not be measured on how much violence they are willing to cause - if anything it should be about how much peace they are able to make for their relationship. nonethelss i feel as though i am giving my all, maybe not quite 100% - which i will, im just not there yet - but i truly am trying to evade the situation for her, i truly am trying to be the best boyfriend i can. in these times we must think of others. this does not mean lose our priorities for priya and i have battled extremely hard over the past year in order to be together. we won every single battle. but what this does mean, however, is that we must not simply think of ourselves, when we need to pull together selfishness is not the way.
our history is rich with vicotory - small victories which, to the common person, would not seem significant or relevant in any respect. we’re not normal - i think we know that. simply being able to see my priya, that is a victory worth fighting for and believe me i am not done fighting. i believe in love. i believe that her parents would eventually accept us, i believe in everythingn we have fought for in the past year and she says she can walk away - as though it is nothing to her. we have both sacrificed in the past, undoubtedly, why stop now. i am willing to work with her. the proposal she has laid out for me will lead to doom. there is no flexibility in her views. i know why she feels she doesnt need to be - she has done nothing wrong. but i believe that relationships work best with balance. with compromise and with sacrifice. she has proven herself to me before, with ecuador, she was left for a month with no contact to me and although i had to go through the same month, she was more alone. i am forever thankful for the way she pulled through that week and will always value her strength and patience. strength and patience.
with this new challenge which looms, no strength nor patience has been shown. even for me to try. she has little faith that i’ll even do anything. she is so focused on results, getting what SHE wants, i feel as though everything we have been through is lost in her. burnt up in flames. it isnt within me, and i have a gut feel, rooted within me to fight. i want to show her, at any costs. i love her. thats what love is. but given that she doesnt and apparently cant show any strength nor perseverance, how am i supposed to find love. for me the love is endless and i know that i could get through a single week of upset for a lifetime of happiness. i understand that sometimes you dont always get to do the things you want straight away, you have to go to somewhere else before you can get to your destination and i understand that. im fearful that she doesnt. i would treat her angelically, loving her the way i do for the rest of my life.
that is what i want more than anything.
i feel unjustly placed in a situation where i am forced to do things. i feel tortured. i feel like i have lost her to be honest. and yet there are still embers of a fire inside of me. i still have the desire to fight, to live on, WITH HER, i need to. i almost feel coded for it.
please God, help us. help give priya and i, both, strength. help us - through our efforts - find a solution.
it is one week. a sacrifice must be made. dont let it be you priya.